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| Krave's Joke Page One Anything goes. |
Re: Mad Cow Disease
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the
stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her
calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow!
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the
stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her
calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow!
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
*I do physical labor.
*I work at great depths.
*I plunge head first into everything I do.
*I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
*I work in a damp environment.
*I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
*I work in high temperatures.
*My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
*You do not work 8 hours straight.
*You fall asleep after brief work periods.
*You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
*You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
*You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
*You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
*You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing.
*You will retire WELL before you are 65 (age varies).
*You are unable to work double shifts.
*You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.
*And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering
and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
*I do physical labor.
*I work at great depths.
*I plunge head first into everything I do.
*I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
*I work in a damp environment.
*I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
*I work in high temperatures.
*My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
*You do not work 8 hours straight.
*You fall asleep after brief work periods.
*You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
*You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
*You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
*You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
*You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing.
*You will retire WELL before you are 65 (age varies).
*You are unable to work double shifts.
*You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.
*And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering
and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past
and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?" The
monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard
climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a few puffs. After
a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink
from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and
falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the
lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter
for you" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out
and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting,
finishing a joint. The Crocodile looks up and says "Hey!" The Monkey
looks down and says.... "Daaaammmn..... Duuuuuuude.....how much
water did you drink?!!"
and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?" The
monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard
climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a few puffs. After
a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink
from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and
falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the
lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter
for you" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out
and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting,
finishing a joint. The Crocodile looks up and says "Hey!" The Monkey
looks down and says.... "Daaaammmn..... Duuuuuuude.....how much
water did you drink?!!"
"Teaching math to women....Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide
her legs, enter her square root, leave your solution and hope she
doesn't multiply"
her legs, enter her square root, leave your solution and hope she
doesn't multiply"
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to
some place expensive...................
So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!
some place expensive...................
So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying."
***
Young son:
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad:
"That happens in every country, son."
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying."
***
Young son:
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad:
"That happens in every country, son."
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with
their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives,
they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit
onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the
ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps
it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't
you put a piece of rubber at the end of your
stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies,
"If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell
up."
their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives,
they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit
onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while,
the husband gets irritated by the
ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps
it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't
you put a piece of rubber at the end of your
stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies,
"If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell
up."
A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of
the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the
white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign,
or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together
and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part
of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.
For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The
Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon
reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he
was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the
prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our
capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's very simple!! And
easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in
China?
the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the
white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign,
or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together
and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part
of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.
For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The
Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon
reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he
was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the
prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our
capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's very simple!! And
easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in
China?
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